HW 55- Research Question/Topic

What are the primary factors that strengthen and weaken friendships?


Making And Keeping Friends A Self-Help Guide

According to this website, interests seems to be an important factor to a good friendship. If friends share the same interests, they have more things to connect with each other about. In addition, the article says friend should have a variety of interests and develop interests in different things.

This website also says that one should enjoy spending time alone and should not be so dependent on friends. "Desperation can drive others away" similar to the concepts of fusion vs autonomy we talked about in class. When one tries to fuse with another, they become autonomous. If someone is too dependent on a friend, the friend might feel overwhelmed by their dependency and feel the need to spend time alone.

Another important factor to friendships is to communicate openly, friends must trust each other. "Watch the response you are getting from the person or people you are talking to so you can know if this is the right time to be sharing this information or the right subject for the person." My interpretation of this is that friends should not sensor their emotions but they should know when the right time is to share these emotions.


Are Your Friends Really Friends?

"We all know that friends are important our lives. They keep you company when you are bored and they love you when you are sick or sad. But this isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that your friends are (other than your parents) the most influential people in your life. You spend hours upon hours with these people and after a while you start to mimic their behavior. Your friends change you."

This seems fairly true to some extent but it is a very bold statement when the author says "your friends are the most influential people in your life" I do agree that friends do have a huge impact on my life in particular but is this true of most people? (possible survey question).

According to this website, honesty is an important factor in a strong friendship, if you feel like you can't be yourself, or if you do not feel comfortable around your friends, they may not be you "true friends."

Some Friends, Indeed, Do More Harm Than Good

"Not all friends have such a salutary effect. Some lie, insult and betray. Some are overly needy. Some give too much advice." These are the primary factors that weaken friendships according to this New York Times article. Similar to the previous article, honesty is a factor in a strong friendship and lies allow for weak friendships. Overly needy being a factor in a bad friendship, similar to the first article, one should not be too dependent on their friends.

Recipe for Good Friendship

"Our relationships to each other are quite similar to our relationships to food. There are friends or families whom we see every day, just as there are food items we eat almost every day, like bread..." This is an interesting analogy, I'm not sure how much I agree with this.

"We tend to assume that friends we see more frequently are better friends, but this is not necessarily the case...I had always known deep down that if I were to depend on them for help in a significant way, they would not come through. On the other hand, I had and still have friends whom I rarely see, but can count on to help me for virtually anything." It seems as though we are friends with people who are easy to be friends with and we end up considering them our close friends. The people we see every day may not be the friends we have the strongest relationships with, but the friendships with these people are easy so we just go through the motions with them. I believe that it is also possible for your closest friend to be someone you see everyday, not because it is easy to be close with them but because you actually feel connected with them because you share similar interests and you feel you can trust them as stated in previous articles. Maybe it is just coincidence that the people we are close to are the people we happen to see every day. Or maybe we just grow accustomed to them because we see them every day. I believe that spending time with the people you are close to does make a friendship stronger but there is also a dependency on the people and how you connect with them.