Lynette Walks through the hall keeping her fidgeting to a minimal she'd been doing pretty well since she had all morning to practice going to her first four classes. She still feels eyes darting at her and says to herself, "Its not you they're looking at, its the person behind you, and even if they are looking at you, so what?" she trusted herself but fixes her shirt and rustles her hair anyway.
In the corner of her eye she notices a younger student with an unnecessarily large backpack drop several of their papers, she thinks to herself, "The first day of school has barely started, how can you have so much work already?," she rushes to the younger student and helps her.
She hands the papers back to her, "Here you go, cool necklace by the way"
"Oh, thanks" she responds.
"No problem."
She continued to walk while humming her favorite show tune going through the notes in her head. Suddenly she hears a collection of voices calling her name from behind her. She casually turns around to see her friends standing by the stair case cautiously waiting for a response, Lynette runs up to them with a huge smile on her face and fits into a group hug with her friends, "You guys look so grown up and its only been two months, what happened?," they all giggled in response. Jamie says, "Okay so where are we going for lunch?" they all respond the same way, with shrugs and "I don't knows." Lynette says "Let's just walk and see where we end up."
As they walk to lunch, she overhears most students chit chatting about their summers. April joins in and asks, "So how was your summer Lyn?" she replies, "Pretty good, can't complain" she knew it was a lie but she didn't really want to get into the details.
At that very moment she just happened to see Jason walk by, he knew about her summer and he knew what was wrong. Jason looked at her worridly, he came up to her and asked, "Hey Lyn is everything okay?" April looks at Lynette questioningly, thousands of questions building up. Lynette sighs and says under her breath, "I knew this day was too good to be true."
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What happened to lyn over the summer? Is that supposed to be a cool ending, that a perfect day has a twist? I thought it was cool to be that person that helped the girl with her falling papers, i probably wouldn't have helped the girl. Nice story, but i wanted to know what happened to the main character.
ReplyDeleteSandy
ReplyDeleteI'm curious to as what happened to Lyn over the summer. But this story was good it had me wanting to read more and find out what happened to her. I thought she was nice to help the person. So she's different she's a cool nice girl. I really like the story. Did Lyn get pregnant? Nice story Sandy. Sequel??
Good story. You explained the feelings of the characters very well. I like how you narrated the story from the characters point of view and explained it from what he was seeing or feeling. The only thing I would suggest is having more of a conflict or exploring and expanding on the conflict a little more. You left it as a cliff hanger which was pretty good but a bit more prior knowledge before the end would strengthen the story much more. Overall it was a very good story.
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you told your story, the way the character was mostly stuck inside her head the whole time. I like the way you put in that there was a conflict without specifically addressing it, and you managed to leave the reader wanting for more. I'm curious, like the rest of us, to find out what happened to lyn this summer. Good story, Sandy, maybe expand it?
ReplyDeleteI like your story O_O. I'm curious about what happened to Lyn too. I liked how Lyn helped the younger student with her stuff. I would've appreciated if someone was half that nice. XD I agree with Julie do a sequel. And Julie, why does it always gotta be that the girl got pregnant??? haha.
ReplyDeleteGood Story, as expected n_n
-Esther
Like everybody else, I am very curious to know what happen to Lyn during her summer.
ReplyDeleteI thought your character was a good one because even thought she is a cool and popular, she's the kind and "cool" ones. ^-^ Nice Job!~
-Jia Min
Werd! What happened? I really like it though. From this I could tell that your character is a nice person and she doesn't like to burden others with her problem(s).
ReplyDeleteBy your ending I could kind of tell that she is hesitant to believe that good things can happen to her, and when they do she questions them.
This was really nice, I liked how you got the character down in about a paragraph.
Sandy,
ReplyDeleteI like the cliffhanger in your story, through out it seemed there was something on the characters mind, and at the end it makes me want to know exactly what happened (actually it reminds me of an episode of Gossip Girl that my friend sat me down to watch)
Aye. You made some good points in your story. I think we constantly say stuff along the lines of: "Let's just walk and see where we end up" or "Pretty good, can't complain." We just say whatever that allows us to avoid the issue temporarily.
ReplyDeleteBased on the way that I read your story, I think that your idea of cool is having issues, but not letting that show. Like you're able to put up a front, but still understand your situation. Not quite sure though. She might also fit into the mystic coolness role.
I'm just as curious as anyone else about what actually happened. But I think that, contrary to what Julie and Gavin said, it would be better if you left it as it is. It leaves room for the reader's imagination. Maybe the readers can comment their own interpretations of what happened.
Anyways, nice story Sandy. It depicts our current situation quite accurately, but still gives it that twist.
Wow, Sandy. I really like this story just like all the ones above me. Based on my definition of cool, I do think the character that you are depicting is cool. I really like the way that you show but don’t tell in this story, and most of the description is well enough for the others to see she is cool.
ReplyDeleteAlthough you did not intend to tell the readers what’s going on at the end, it makes Lynette a very mysterious character. Is she pretending to be tough in front of the friends? Or is it something personal that she wouldn’t share. In this case, I do see that she does care about her situation inside, but externally, she is not showing that she doesn’t care but just decided not to tell.
Very nice story, it defines cool differently over all the stories that I have read.